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"If you both value independence, it might be okay," he said. Waehler, who presented his findings at a recent meeting of the American Psychological Association in San Francisco, found that these men are not woman-haters, they are not fixated on a parent, and they are not workaholics or wild playboys. Waehler said, they relate to people in ways that end up isolating them. Waehler said everyone has styles of behavior to help them cope with the anxieties that relationships can produce.
But, he said, the bachelors exhibit three defense mechanisms -- avoidance, isolation and distortion -- that keep other people at arm's length.
A PSYCHOLOGIST who studies the hearts and minds of confirmed bachelors over the age of 40 has advice for women who want to marry one: Forget it.
"If you get involved with a never-married middle-aged man, don't expect him to change," said Dr. Waehler, a psychologist at the University of Akron in Ohio who studied a group of white, heterosexual bachelors 40 to 50 years old.
If he's not happy with the life he's created, he's not successful.